TikTok Analysis: Go ahead and do it solo

Subscriber-only episode

In this subscriber-exclusive episode in the TikTok analysis series, we're focusing on the impact of toxic shame on our interactions and self-perception. 

I will use TikTok creator Zoe's experiences as a powerful example to dispel the myths around solo activities and encourage you to face your fears and take yourself out on a solo date. 

Zoe posted a carousel of 8 solo activities and ranked them on a scale of 0 to 10 based on how scary they were to do and whether anyone gave a f*ck about her being alone. 

Just as an FYI, that word will be used quite a bit in this episode.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:00 Breaking free from social norms
• 1:31 The comfort of being alone
• 2:46 Facing the fear of solo activities
• 4:50 Zoe's solo adventures
• 12:07 Community reactions and comments
• 16:53 Conclusion and challenge

Transcript

This article is part of my TikTok Analysis series.

In this subscriber-exclusive series, I break down viral moments, trends, and personal stories to uncover how toxic shame shapes how we see ourselves, interact with others, and navigate the world. 

Each analysis isn’t just about the video itself—it’s about what it reveals beneath the surface. Behind every relatable TikTok is a story about how we think, feel, and (sometimes unknowingly) hold ourselves back. 

When you become a paid subscriber, you’ll also get access to the podcast version.

My favorite thing? Alone time.

And if I’m guessing right, you’re more of a homebody than the social butterfly looking to fill her calendar with activities (even though you maybe wish you had a few more social events lined up than you do right now).

But that doesn’t take away from your love of cozying up on the couch with a cup of tea (or coffee!), a good book, or taking a nap for old-time’s sake.

I love those 3-hour naps in the middle of the day when you don’t even know how long you’ve passed out and then wake up with a pillow full of drool.

There's nothing better than feeling like you’re in control of your free time and can do as you please in the comfort of your home.

Especially if the alternative is to surround yourself with energy vampires.

But as much as you prefer solitude, in combination with a Ben and Jerry’s tub of ice cream, preferably with brownie chunks, doing things alone outside the house is a no-go for you.

Given the option of hanging out solo in a crowded restaurant or at a concert and hanging out with energy vampires, I'm assuming you’d choose the vampires.

It’s more of a comfort zone—something you’re accustomed to and can handle.

On the other hand, going to the movies while everyone is coupled up might stir up emotions you’re not ready to face.

That moment when you’re about to ask for a table for one? That’s when the dark mole—toxic shame—rears its ugly head. It whispers, “What if they judge me? What if they think I have no friends?”

But the truth is, those thoughts aren’t facts. They’re echoes of old programming.

You worry that you might end up embarrassed, judged, and uncomfortable. That a stranger might start a conversation with you…and you’ll never recover from it!

And then, gah! What if someone you know spots you?! What if it’s someone you were in a relationship with? Someone from work? You’d blush every time you’d run into them until the end of your days.

You can’t deal with that. Nope. So, energy vampires, it is!

But I’m here to remind you that we usually blow things up out of proportion in our minds. We catastrophize. We see ourselves stumbling, landing in a garbage bin, and then running into our crush, all smelly.

Our brains create worst-case scenarios that rarely (if ever) happen. It’s a survival instinct gone rogue, trying to keep us safe from embarrassment or judgment that, realistically, won’t even happen.

We have a more challenging time envisioning the benefits of going through with it. 

So, I thought it would be helpful and inspiring to share someone else’s experience of doing multiple activities solo and rank them on a scale of 0 to 10, judging by how scary it was doing them.

On TikTok (here’s the link to her post), Zoe posted a carousel of everything she decided to do alone. On a scale of 1 to 10, she recorded how scared she was of doing that said something.

This shows that most of our insecurities are self-imposed and that our expectations of things devolving into catastrophe usually never come to fruition.

And I think it’s an incredibly powerful exercise she put herself through.

Even if you choose one activity, it will reinforce the idea that there’s nothing to be ashamed of because the only person who cares is you.

You’re the only one judging yourself.

So, the first picture in her series is of herself with the caption, “Rating how scary it was to do things alone. It’s only scary if you make it scary!”

Let me tell you that this post has reached 2 million likes, and the comments are all incredibly supportive.

I’ll share some of the comments at the end.

1. Going to the movies

The picture is of herself at the movies. The caption? “0/10, no one gave a fuck.” 

And I do want to pause and mention that what she probably means by saying “no one gave a fuck” is that she didn’t feel judged.

She didn’t feel eyes on her. She saw everyone else minding their business, eating popcorn, without putting a spotlight on her.

Think about it from your perspective: would you judge someone for being out alone? Would you even think twice about it? Maybe you’d give it a passing thought, but that’s it.

Sometimes, my passing thought is, “Dang, I wish I had enough free time to do that!”

But I never think condescendingly about people alone, especially given how scary it can feel. I have more admiration for them than anything else.

2. Going skiing

In this second picture, she’s on a ski lift with the caption, “skiing, 0/10; no one gave a fuck.”

Again, if you think about hitting the slopes, many people take lessons, go at their own pace, stay out longer than their group, etc. No one will care or look at you as if you’re on your own going down the slope or tripping off the ski lift.

3. Moving to a new city

The picture is of the trunk of her car packed to the brim with the caption, “moved to a new city by myself, 0/10 no one gave a fuck.”

Again, what a silly thing to judge someone for. People move all the time. And people pack their cars alone all the time. The only reason you’d think someone is judging you for it is that you feel less than for not having friends to help you or friends in the next town you’re going to for support.

It comes down to what triggers your toxic shame.

What brings it to the surface? Because it’s certainly not a bunch of boxes filled with personal treasures. It’s the desire of wanting friends to come along on the journey.

And their absence might trigger a sense of unworthiness that you’re not good enough to have a solid group of friends to be there for you.

But that has nothing to do with fear.

You’re perfectly capable of doing all the things Zoe did, and you’ll probably come to the same conclusion she did, that no one gave a fuck about you going about your life.

The most challenging part will be navigating your thoughts and emotions as you’re triggered by past trauma and insecurities.

4. Reading in the park

The picture is captioned “hammocking in the park, 0/10, no one gave a fuck.”

I’m officially jealous. I don’t even have 5 minutes to my name, let alone the time to set up a hammock and pick up a book. Now, I’m inspired by Zoe. But again, reading is a solitary activity, and doing it among people doesn’t detract from that.

There’s nothing sad or thought-provoking about seeing someone hanging out with a book in a public space.

5. Going out to lunch

The picture is captioned “solo lunch date, 0/10, no one gave a fuck.”

Again, think of all the people in coffee shops or lunch places who are alone, either because it’s a lunch break, they’re working, or they're taking time to themselves.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those scenarios.

6. Having a study session

This picture is captioned “nightly study session on campus, 0/10; no one gave a fuck.”

I mean, this is pretty self-explanatory. Studying alone is okay and expected unless you’re doing a group project. No one will think anything of it.

7. Traveling

This picture is of her at an airport with the caption, “traveling alone with a 0/10, no one gave a fuck.”

Enough people travel alone that you can easily blend in without raising eyebrows. Airports, train stations, and buses are incredibly crowded, and people are so frantic that they don’t have time to look or care that you’re alone.

8. Going to the gym

This picture is of herself in the locker room with the caption, “working out, 0/10; no one gave a fuck.”

I wouldn’t give this a 0, but more of a 5 to 6 score because joining a class or going to the gym alone can be anxiety-inducing.

You don’t know who will be there if there will be friction with others over equipment, and it might be worse if you’re not comfortable with your body.

There are a lot of potential triggers to face, especially if you’re by yourself without someone taking your mind off things.

But if any of these are scary, that’s perfectly alright. It’s an entire journey to get comfortable.

It doesn’t happen from one day to the next, but small experiments like these can help you overcome fear.

And you can imagine that in the comment section, there are various responses to this, from people wishing they could do this to people relating to how amazing it is to do things alone.

You’re not alone in whichever way you feel about it.

Here are some of the comments related to the psychology of it.

“The only thing that cares is our mind.”“Everyone is too involved in their own lives, people barely notice the person doing things alone.”“I realized that I’ve never once noticed someone doing something by themselves so why would anyone notice me doing it? That changed my perspective.”

Here are some of the comments related to the fear and anxiety of going solo:

“Not having anxiety must be great.”“May this peace find me soon.”“I personally am shaking in my boots but good for you girl.”

Here are some comments from people approving of going at it alone:

“Took me forever to realize this but now that I do, everything is just so much better.”“Doing things alone is so top tier.”“Worrying about what others think is so tiring! No one thinks about others more than themselves.”

As a parting thought, I want to highlight something I said earlier: "That no one will think anything of it.” Of you doing things on your own.

And I said that to appease the side of your brain with alarm bells ringing—the “omg, what are people going to think of me!” type of alarm.

The alarm that comes with doing something alone.

Ultimately, I don’t want the advice to come off as “You should feel comfortable doing these activities because they’re normal things to do.” After all, the end goal is to feel comfortable doing ANYTHING.

Especially things that are not deemed “normal” by societal standards.

What I want the most for you is for you to give the middle finger to social norms and do what lights you up. Even if it’s unconventional, if it raises eyebrows, and if it provokes judgmental stares.

One such thing could be busting out your dance moves in the middle of a city.

But to allow yourself to be authentic and to follow your path, you must first break through your inner talk.

To push back against the thoughts telling you it’s sad and pitiful, take yourself to the movies.

That’s society whispering to you.

The more you silence society’s voice, the louder yours will become. Until one day, you realize you never needed their approval.

And then you’ll not give a fuck about what anyone thinks.

Go ahead and do it solo.