You're Worth Knowing
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What holds you back from leading the life you want to lead? From sharing your thoughts and opinions with others? From being ok with being misunderstood? From not taking things personally anymore? From making decisions for yourself without anyone else's approval?
There are many factors at play, and we'll explore them all.
We'll take tiny stabs at social anxiety, people-pleasing, lack of confidence in yourself and in your decision-making, imposter syndrome, societal norms, and expectations so that we can get to the core of it all: toxic shame.
Let's work on your self-worth. More than anything, I want you to believe you're worth knowing instead of banking on external elements making that call for you.
In this podcast, I’ll cover topics like:
- How toxic shame and childhood trauma shape our beliefs and decisions
- The impact of people-pleasing and how to start setting boundaries
- Navigating the fear of rejection and overcoming social anxiety
- The struggle with decision-making and how to trust your instincts
- Myths we hold onto about our worth and identity
Through a mix of personal stories and research-backed insights, I’ll help you navigate these challenges and uncover your true potential.
My goal is to help you fight the toxic shame that impacts all areas of your life so you can walk on the path you were always meant to be on. My goal is to give you the confidence to go out into the world, share your worth, build meaningful relationships, and believe you’re worth knowing just as you are.
You're Worth Knowing
Reasons why Wednesday Addams doesn't have social anxiety
As a huge fan of the Addams Family, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to analyze Wednesday from the social anxiety perspective. Not only is she a curious creature, but her awkwardness and obscure interests are endearing. I wanted to dig deeper into why this fictional character doesn't experience social anxiety and seems energized by rejection. Let's review the eight reasons Wednesday Addams doesn't have social anxiety.
Grab the 5 Quick Ways to Manage Your Social Anxiety guide here.
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Have you seen the show “Wednesday”?
The Addams Family movies came out a few years after I was born, but it didn’t take long for me to be hooked and watch them repeatedly.
Honestly, I have fond memories of watching them as a child. So when the new Wednesday show hit the screen, I was all up for it.
Curious, I turned on Netflix, and there it was. Already a Top 10 hit. By now, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that it’s broken a few records (in fact, it broke its record and has garnered over 411 million hours viewed).
The show follows Wednesday as she’s sent to a boarding school (Nevermore Academy) made explicitly for outcasts. While Wednesday tries to live with a newfound psychic ability, she tries to solve a mysterious killing spree plaguing the academy and its nearby town.
You might not know this, but the show was filmed exclusively in Romania (my home country!), which makes it even more fun for me to watch. I’m excited to put the locations on my list of things to see next time I visit. If you haven’t visited Romania, I HIGHLY recommend it.
Now, even if you have zero connection with the Addams Family or the show “Wednesday,” you’ll be interested in what I have to say next.
Watching the show made me realize that there are a few reasons why Wednesday does NOT have social anxiety. In writing this list, I looked at Wednesday’s character as a whole, spanning the decades.
I wanted to highlight these points because, in a perfect world, we’d check them all off, too, but this goes to show that only a fictional character can indeed be free of social anxiety (even then, there are moments where we glimpse that she does feel it sometimes).
Before you come for me with comments on this, YES, I realize it’s fiction, and she’s not a real person. I’ve received comments of this nature on my video, and all I have to say to those people is that they need to join a book club and start deconstructing characters and plot lines.
I’m not here to diagnose a fictional character, so we can have fun discussing it as long as we don’t take this too seriously.
8 reasons why Wednesday doesn’t have social anxiety
1. Her self-acceptance is rooted in a judgment-free family
We get a better glimpse at her relationship with her parents in the original movies, even though they appear in the show.
From what we can see, her parents are her biggest fans, cheering her on no matter how dark or terrorizing her ideas are.
Rarely, if ever, do we see them put her down for being the way she is. They admire what she’s capable of.
How this relates to social anxiety:
There’s no reason for social anxiety to fester (pun intended) for someone raised in such an environment bare of judgment.
Everyone is left to their own devices and allowed to flourish in whatever dark direction they want instead of being molded into someone else’s reflection.
If you’ve grown up in a judgmental home or environment, you’ll understand immediately how you’ve internalized it.
And it’s not just about your family, friends, or teachers being judgmental about you; it’s just as damaging if they’re judgmental about others in front of you.
You’re now probably walking around with their words imprinted on your mind. Words that you’ve pointed at yourself at one point or another.
Those who grow up in households that withhold judgment and allow everyone to be themselves without pointing out flaws or constantly correcting them are miles ahead in confidence and self-esteem.
2. She rejoices at being rejected
This is evident in almost every episode, as she goes out of her way to be happily left out by any group at the school.
She wants nothing to do with her roommate and verbally tells her what she thinks about her. In a perfect world, Wednesday wouldn’t have to interact with anyone.
How this relates to social anxiety:
Fear of rejection is at the core of social anxiety. Imagine walking around, actually happy to be rejected and looking for it.
You see it as further evidence you’re meant to walk a different path than everyone else and have zero qualms about being left out of typical activities.
Unfortunately, few of us have this internal wiring from the start. It relates to our upbringing and what we discussed in the last point.
Because she grew up being rejected by the entire town and society, it’s just a way of life for her—the status quo.
So why would it bother her?
Since none of us will ever be born into an Addams-like clan, the only way to replicate the nonchalance over rejection is to experience it as often as possible. That’s it.
Make it so it is because of your status quo – nothing to care about anymore.
Rejoice over the rejection instead of retreating because of it. That should be the goal. It means you’re carving your path, taking risks, and chipping away at your comfort zone.
3. She focuses on her interests without guilt or shame
While at school, she’s fixated on two things: solving the mystery surrounding the murders and writing her book.
Those are her two main drivers while she’s forced to participate in “normal” activities, such as the canoe race, the school dance, and the community day.
Throughout the show, we also see her practice her cello and journal and her killer mad fencing and fighting skills.
How this relates to social anxiety:
Having obscure hobbies can make one a target of teasing and shaming, which is why many people hide their true selves.
We don’t share what lights us up, and we do our best to participate in activities and hobbies that are more accepted and recognized (even though we’re miserable doing them).
She tends to walk away from the group’s main activities to focus on the ones that light her up because why would she spend time doing something that kills her inside?
Isn’t it better to spend time doing something you love and find others within that space who love the same thing? Why would you dim your light while others are glowing theirs bright, doing what they love? Let them.
You focus on you, and the rest will come.
4. She does not compare herself to anyone else around her
This recurring theme is probably the most vital point highlighting why Wednesday doesn’t have social anxiety.
She minds her own business, doesn’t change how she dresses, doesn’t try to fit in, and knows her life goals (she doesn’t stray from them).
Even when her feelings towards her mother show up, we can see that the last thing she wants is to be compared to her mother (or walk in her shoes).
How this relates to social anxiety:
The moment we start comparing ourselves to our neighbor, friend, manager, etc., is when we open the door to social anxiety.
Being resolute in who we are is the only safeguard against comparison. And while this is probably a big mountain to climb, reaching the summit is possible.
Doing what pleases you as often as possible is one way to leap forward.
Focusing on your aspirations and putting on blinders is another. Building a solid understanding of yourself by going to therapy and deconstructing childhood trauma is yet another step to take.
While it’s impossible to entirely remove yourself from what others are doing, it’s possible to be content while making comparisons.
It’s possible to reflect on why you are the way you are and either reach a point of acceptance or make the necessary changes.
That’s all one can hope for in this life.
5. She challenges the status quo
Why should she dress up her dolls when she can chop their heads off and sleep with dismembered bodies?
Why would she wear colorful clothes when she can make a statement with her black dress? Or care about frivolous dance parties when she has a novel to write?
Wednesday is all about challenging the status quo head-on. Even when she challenges a student to a fencing match, she invokes the military-style way (the first to draw blood).
How this relates to social anxiety:
Those who experience social anxiety daily will do everything they can to fit in, not make much noise, and put on a mask to make everyone else comfortable.
That’s not the Wednesday way.
Challenging the status quo is one way to rally against social anxiety because you’re telling it that no matter how much pushback you get, you’re standing your ground, unflinching.
Choosing to wave your arms oppositely is the ultimate sign of sureness and confidence because you know that you have yourself to count on no matter what happens.
And there is so much beauty outside of social norms.
You see things clearer, and you see the groupthink.
Challenging your core beliefs and those around you is the fastest way to enlightenment.
And once you’re free, as Wednesday is, there’s nothing else to fear. The next order of business is finding people with the same mindset.
6. She expresses herself on paper rather than through talking
You’re probably wondering, “What does this have to do with social anxiety?!”
I can see why it can be confusing, but I’ll keep it concise. If we look at Wednesday, we can see that she’d rather spend time writing her novel than interacting with humans.
The fact that she spends the majority of her time writing (talking about her character in general) removes the likelihood that she’ll experience social anxiety.
How this relates to social anxiety:
Social anxiety means that you’re scared of being judged, rejected, and evaluated by others. This can happen in many ways, forms, and situations. It mainly concerns how we present ourselves and what we say (or don’t say).
Communicating verbally enhances our social anxiety because with each passing minute, as the anxiety rises, we might freeze or stumble on our thoughts. So, while she might experience social anxiety, she’s radically reducing her chances.
I’m not saying being mute will solve all your problems because that’s unrealistic.
The takeaway from this point is that you shouldn’t pressure yourself to be an outgoing extrovert. It’s perfectly ok to be more observant, talk when you have something important, and be stronger in writing.
Those are strengths in themselves, and you should honor them instead of vilifying yourself over them.
7. She doesn’t use social media (she doesn’t have a phone)
Yep, I had to include this. Have you tried taking a break from social media to see how you feel? I promise you’ll be a whole new person by the end of it.
I recently bought the book Dopamine Detox because this is an area in which I also need help. The addiction can be overwhelming and gives you a sense of dread.
You’ll remove the need to compare yourself daily, as you most likely do now, and you’ll have more time on your hands to do things you genuinely enjoy.
Wednesday doesn’t have social anxiety because she’s not “social,” she doesn’t follow trends or scroll endlessly over other people’s lives and fortunes.
How this relates to social anxiety:
Studies have shown that the more time we spend on social media, the more dire the effects on our mental health are. And it doesn’t take much.
Scroll for 10 minutes, then ask yourself how you feel. Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up. What thoughts do you have about yourself and your status in life?
Chances are that you won’t feel good about your body, life, career, relationship, etc.
I’m not saying completely remove the phone or social media, although, in a perfect world, we would learn to pay attention to what our brain is paying attention to.
What rabbit holes do you fall into after scrolling on social media? Where does your mind go? What is it that you’re wishing?
I bet it’s to be someone other than yourself, to have things you don’t have, to be better in one way or another.
And by itself, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it can spiral the other way quickly if you don’t have control over your thoughts.
8. She associates herself with people (and Thing) that also don’t fit in
Wednesday doesn’t have social anxiety because she’s not trying to fit into a box.
She IS the box.
She surrounds herself with people who are also misfits – this reduces the chance of feeling self-conscious because you’re not the one standing out all the time.
You feel welcome if everyone around you stands out, too (compared to the status quo).
How this relates to social anxiety:
Growing up, we all want to fit in and be friends with the popular kids; it shields us from being teased, hurt, bullied, and left out.
But by forcing ourselves to be who we’re not, we’ll end up surrounded by people who don’t know or value us for what we bring to the table.
Being friends with people we genuinely care for and who care for us will have social anxiety standing on the side.
Now you have a clearer picture of why Wednesday is so cool and collected, even as she does socially inappropriate things.
Once I go through the show again, I’ll update it with more detail and nuance, as I feel like there are more than just these 8 points.
If you’ve seen the show, I’d love to know your thoughts on it and if you agree with my points about why I think Wednesday doesn’t have social anxiety.
