Our definition of fame, wealth, and accomplishment fuels social anxiety

In this episode, we'll explore how societal standards of success, wealth, and fame impact our mental health and fuel social anxiety. Through the stories of Robin Williams, Elon Musk, and Demi Moore, we'll illuminate how external accomplishments don't equate to internal fulfillment.

Now, fair warning and a disclaimer:
We'll touch on some sensitive topics, including mental health and suicide.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:10 Society's influence on the definition of success
• 6:31 The myth of fame: Robin Williams' Story
• 13:49 The wealth trap: looking at Elon Musk
• 19:47 The pressure of accomplishment: Demi Moore's journey
• 27:38 Conclusion: redefining success and self-worth

Transcript

Quick! What comes to mind when you think about “fame,” or “wealth,” or “accomplishment”? 

What images come up for you? I bet I know.

I bet it’s the same for 99% of people, which begs the question: Why have we all internalized the same images about fame, wealth, and accomplishment?

Then, a follow-up question would be: Why is it so hard to tear down those images and replace them with new ones? 

And lastly, how do these images fuel social anxiety? That’s what we’re going to discuss in this post.

Because I’m pretty sure we’ve all had that moment, scrolling through social media or watching TV, seeing someone rich, famous, or accomplished and thinking, “If I had what they had, I’d finally be happy.”

I know that thought has crossed my mind, and maybe yours, too. Back in the day, we’d put posters on our walls with our favorite celebrities, hoping to be as successful as them one day because then we would have “made it.”

But deep down, we know it’s not true, and I’m here to remind you of that.

I’ll use the stories of Robin Williams, Elon Musk, and Demi Moore as examples of why we need to oppose this idea of “when I make it then...” what we can do to avoid falling into that mental trap, and how it can make social anxiety worse. 

And because I’m not immune to envy or societal pressures, I’ll share a quick tip that helps me reset whenever I fall into these traps.

Now, fair warning and a disclaimer:
We'll touch on some sensitive topics, including mental health and suicide.

Before we discuss how the idea of fame, wealth, and accomplishment being the three golden keys to a fantastic life is messing with our heads, let’s go through why we believe that in the first place.

How society shapes our perceptions of success

Let’s face it: how we define success isn’t something we came up with on our own. 

Society, media, and our upbringing hand us these standards. From a young age, we’re bombarded with messages about what it means to “make it.” 

Success is painted as a picture-perfect life: a high-paying job, a luxurious home, a flawless appearance (brand-labeled clothes and zero forehead wrinkles), and the admiration of others. 

These images are drilled into us through social media, pop culture, cultural expectations, and social conditioning starting in childhood. 

I don’t know about you, but I cared a tad too much about brand names at a young age because I was told they meant luxury and social status. 

Now, I’m aware of the marketing propaganda.

But it’s no wonder we fall into the trap. When these narratives surround us, we begin to believe them. We think, “If I work harder, earn more, and achieve more, I’ll finally be happy.” 

You think that once you make it, you won’t have to worry about being liked anymore. 

The pull of this message is powerful. I, too, fall victim to it because I'm not immune to what comes through my screen, but I deliberately push back.

When you fall into this trap, remember that the goals we’re chasing often aren’t ours.

They’re what we’ve been conditioned to believe we should want. And when we achieve them, they rarely bring the lasting fulfillment we expect. 

How shocking…NOT.

So, before diving deeper into fame, wealth, and accomplishment, ask yourself: 

• Whose definition of success am I living by?
• Are the goals I have mine or someone else’s?
• How do these goals align with my values, and do they make me feel happy?

This is important because the more you try to achieve someone else’s goals, the less authentic you’ll feel. 

There will be a growing chasm between who you want to be and the person you’re on the way to becoming because you’ve been told that’s the best one. 

And the more significant this chasm gets, the worse you’ll feel about yourself and your life, paving the way for social anxiety to settle in.

You’ll forever have an inner fight over society’s expectations of you and your expectations, as they’ll never be in alignment.

Now that we’ve explored how societal expectations are set, let’s dive into the myth of fame. 

Robin Williams’s story shows us the hidden pain behind the spotlight.

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1. Fame and recognition: the hidden pain behind the spotlight

Robin Williams brought millions of people joy but silently battled his inner demons.

His story reminds us that success and happiness don't always go hand in hand. And his struggles remind us that internal pain cannot be bribed with money and success. 

Fame amplifies pressures, expectations, and loneliness rather than erasing them. 

It’s a sobering reminder that fulfillment must come from within, not from being publicly recognized or asked for selfies. 

And, of course, being depressed or mentally ill is a serious business. It will suck the joy out of life altogether, even for someone who seems to have it all, who appears to be happy, and who seems to be in tune with the world. 

I still grieve him. I'm still sad about him not being here anymore. I still watch his movies with pure joy and happiness. No blame should be placed on anyone, especially not on him. 

It's an unfortunate development and a stark reminder that not all is as it seems. 

And this is why most of us are utterly shocked when we hear of a celebrity who takes their own life. We think they had everything: money, privilege, status, time; how could they not be happy? 

And even with all those things, things we wish we had, they're still battling demons.

This is a perfect example of how our view of certain people is skewed. 

These are the individuals that we look up to, the ones that we envy and aspire to be. 

And we think our insecurities would immediately vanish from one day to the next if we were them. Like, “Ah, if only I were Charlize Theron. Always sought after, rich, eloquent, beautiful, in want of nothing.” 

But there is harm in thinking that. 

The harm is that we then tear ourselves apart in comparison. We're not good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, or successful enough.

Comparing yourself to others amplifies social anxiety because you’re mentally setting unrealistic standards and making yourself feel inadequate in so many ways. This constant self-criticism fuels insecurity and fear of judgment, making social interactions more daunting.

Because if you think you can’t measure up, you’ll fall into the trap of feeling unworthy.

What do you think that does to your mental health? Do you think social anxiety is just going to disappear if you think that way? No, of course not. 

Ask yourself why you put others on such a pedestal and throw yourself off of one.

Why are they on a pedestal, and you're in the trash bin? It doesn't make sense. 

If you constantly compare yourself to the people on TV or your feed and reduce your existence to crumbs, I want you to start taking action. 

Otherwise, social anxiety will take hold of you and never let you go.

Instead of obsessing over who someone is, what they have, or what they've accomplished, analyze the skills that got them to where they are, look at their behaviors, dissect their thoughts, and try to emulate their mindset.

It's not a zero-sum game. 

If someone is funny, that doesn't mean you can't be funny. If someone has a strong work ethic, it doesn't mean it takes away from your work ethic. 

So, for example, let's say Charlize Theron or Tom Cruise (or whoever your favorite celebrity is), if they have a great work ethic or excel at a particular art, dive into those areas.

You can do their workouts. You can read the books that they read. You can learn about what they do best and put those things into practice without beating yourself up that you're not them. 

Moping doesn't make you feel better about yourself. 

Constantly comparing yourself to those in the spotlight creates unrealistic expectations and amplifies feelings of inadequacy, thus exacerbating social anxiety.

 Of course, even if you do all these things and learn from them, you'll never be them. 

You'll never be in their position because many variables are at play. 

From the way they grew up, where they grew up, the connections that they had, the connections their parents had, the talent, the opportunities, the path they took, the school… so many things had to come together to reach the pinnacle of their careers. 

For them to become who they are.

Those things will never materialize for you in the same way because you don’t have access to their formula; you only have access to yours.

You can't keep looking to the left or the right because those paths diverge from yours. You cannot replicate them. You cannot copy them, nor should you want to.

The only thing in your control is finding out what you want to do, how you want to present yourself, the skills you want to have, and the mindset you want to achieve. 

Once you identify all those things, you will reach your pinnacle.

And it doesn't have to look like theirs. That's the beauty of it. 

My quick tip for envy

Think of your favorite celebrity and how much you wish you were them. 

What part of “them” do you wish to have the most? Is it the wealth, the status, the friends, the partner, the experiences, the talent, etc? 

Regardless of what it is, you can’t have it. 

You have to take them as a “whole,” meaning you don’t get to pick and choose what you want from their lives because no one gets to pick and choose every aspect of their lives. 

You have to trade everything you have.

Imagine being with their partner, having their friends, the exact bedroom they sleep in, their clothes, the gossip people do about them, the lawsuits they’re involved in, etc. 

This will help you realize that it’s not THEM you envy or want to BE them; it’s just that they were able to achieve a specific dream or accomplishment you wish you had or did.

After this exercise, you should be able to pinpoint what you want the most and start working towards making it come true for YOU.

But ultimately, fame isn’t the only illusion. Many of us also believe that wealth will solve all our problems.

2. Wealth: the myth of financial security fixing everything

Now, I'm not going to dismiss that life is infinitely better when you're financially stable, hit your goals, and get compensated for your hard work. 

You don't have to worry about when the next paycheck comes in, which gives you the freedom and ability to be creative, pursue your interests, and mingle with people who are aligned with you because everything else is covered.

It's a huge privilege, but it doesn't immediately mean feeling happy, fulfilled, or confident.

But here’s the trap: we believe that wealth will solve all our problems.

Elon Musk, one of the richest people on Earth, is the perfect example of how being super rich doesn’t guarantee emotional stability, peace of mind, or fulfillment. 

If you asked me to describe him, I’d probably say he’s very insecure and needs to surround himself with “yes” people who validate him; otherwise, he will spiral out of control.

Anyone following the discourse online, whether on Twitter or TikTok, about Elon's behavior in the past year can see how utterly miserable he is. 

Someone happy with themselves and their lives will never spend hours and hours leaving hateful and trolling comments online, taking people down.

They won’t create accounts with pseudo-names and alter egos to comment on their main account. Anyone happy with themselves and their lives will not make it a personal mission to exact revenge on anyone who criticizes them. 

The richest man can't get his act together because he's in petty fights. He could be the hero in every book and create a lasting legacy of positive change with his wealth, influence, and power, but instead, he chooses to be the villain in this timeline. 

This isn't a political platform, so I won't go into detail about dissecting Elon or billionaires in general, but on the record, there's no such thing as an ethical billionaire. 

And that in itself will tear a human being apart on the inside. 

Hoarding that much wealth while chastising those who end up on the street is not something a soul can't come back from. 

We romanticize wealth as the ultimate key to happiness, assuming financial security will erase our inner struggles. However, studies show that money has little impact on well-being beyond a certain income. 

Based on the behaviors of these ultra-rich individuals, we can deduce that happiness, fulfillment, self-esteem, and self-worth don't come from money. 

It's not a one-to-one relationship. 

So we need to pay attention to what matters to us and stop thinking, "Well, when I have this amount of money or when I have that, I'll be happier with myself."

The mindset work starts now where you're at.

If you have an unhealthy obsession with pursuing wealth (especially at the cost of your health and the people around you), here are some actionable steps to get you to break through it slowly:

1. Practice gratitude: List five non-material things that bring you joy or fulfillment. This will help you appreciate life beyond financial gains.
2. Shift your focus: Instead of focusing on wealth, identify practical steps to achieve financial stability, such as saving for experiences that align with your values.
3. Filter media messages: Be mindful of the media you consume about wealth. Avoid content that glamorizes excess and instead seek stories emphasizing balance and well-being.

 It's time to start questioning every message that comes across your feed. 

Most people engage in this messaging to further their self-interests. Once you understand that, it's easy to pick up on all of this messaging, especially when you look at luxury brands and how they position themselves as status symbols. 

When at the end of the day, it's all perception.

Walking around with a $10K bag might boost your outward image, but it doesn’t address your inner struggles or social anxiety. 

Listen, I wish money could buy a life free from social anxiety, but wealth doesn’t fill emotional gaps or remove insecurities. Luxury items, trips, yachts, etc., are temporary distractions to keep you from self-doubt, and you’ll forever seek the next one to keep your mind off of things.

But sooner or later, you’ll return to your regular programming because shiny toes don’t magically erase social anxiety.

It's essential to push back and question the messages that come through your screen because everything is marketing and propaganda.

The moment we stop buying into it, we feel so much better about ourselves because we stop wishing for things that don't matter, for things that don't make us feel better about ourselves.

If fame and wealth are marketed as the keys to happiness, accomplishment is often sold as the ultimate measure of our worth.

3. Accomplishment: the empty pursuit of "enough"

We’re told that achieving more, such as winning awards, landing promotions, or being the best, will finally make us feel confident. We reached the tippy top; this is it!

But usually, that’s just temporary satisfaction and confidence. 

The next day, you’re back to homeostasis. 

The world has moved on, and other people’s accomplishments are highlighted. 

You’re looking out for the next one you can achieve.

Sure, you might gain some confidence, but if you haven’t put in the time to work on your feelings of self-doubt, fear of judgment, and lack of self-worth, then accomplishments can even add more pressure to exceed expectations, making social anxiety worse.

Demi Moore’s journey reminds us that even those who seem confident and booming struggle with feelings of inadequacy. 

Because how can someone like Demi Moore think less of herself, right? 

We tend to think that people in Hollywood are secure in themselves, but I think they are incredibly insecure. 

Think about how often you hear of celebrities divorcing because they cheated on each other with other celebrities.

Think about how often you hear of the drama where the closest people to them backstabbed them and ran to the tabloids with gossip for a little bit of money. 

Think about how often they don't get the lead actor role, and they're pushed out of the spotlight.

Imagine what that feels like, being bombarded with criticism and negativity over what you wear, what you’re saying, the movies you’re making, the people you’re friends with, etc.

Imagine having to deal with all of that, and on top of it, add the paparazzi, difficult co-stars, and interviews back-to-back where you might slip up, and then your face is plastered on the news the next day. 

You're scrutinized from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet; it's endless. 

No one is made of steel not to let those things get to them.

So, what you see when you look at their pictures or watch their interviews is not even remotely close to who they are as individuals. And remember what happens when the chasm grows within? Yeah, welcome social anxiety.

Because most of the time, they’re made-up personas.

Think of how everything posted online is someone’s highlight reel because they won’t post their darkest thoughts, mistakes, or failures for all to see.

The front someone puts up regarding success, wealth, and status is similar, and sometimes, we get a glimpse into just how much of a front they’re putting up.

Demi Moore, at the Golden Globes, said this:

 I've been doing this a long time, like over 45 years and this is the first time I've ever won anything as an actor. Um, and I'm just so humbled and so grateful. Um, 30 years ago, I had a producer tell me that, um, I was a popcorn actress and, um, you know, And at that time, I made that mean that this wasn't something that I was allowed to have.That I could do movies that were successful, that made a lot of money, but that I couldn't be acknowledged. And I bought in, and I believed that. And that corroded me over time to the point where I thought a few years ago that maybe this was it. Maybe I was complete. Maybe I would, I've done what I was supposed to do. And as I was at kind of a low point, I had this magical, bold, courageous, out of the box, absolutely bonkers script come across my desk called The Substance. And the universe told me that you're not done and I am so grateful to Coralie for trusting me to step in and play this woman. For Margaret, for being the other half of me that I couldn't have done without.For looking out for me, um, to the people who've been with me for over 30 years, Kevin Uvaine, Jason Weinberg, everybody at CAA, untitled, lead, all of the people who stood by me, especially the people who've believed in me when I haven't believed in myself, and I'll just leave you with one thing that I think this movie is imparting is in those moments when we don't think we're smart enough or pretty enough or skinny enough or successful enough or basically just not enough, I had a woman say to me, just know you will never be enough, but you can know the value of your worth if you just put down the measuring stick.And so today I celebrate this as a marker of my wholeness and of the love that is driving me and for the gift of doing something I love and being reminded that I do belong. Thank you so much. 

 There's a lot to unpack there. Her words about never being enough but recognizing her worth struck a chord and should resonate with all of us. 

It's about letting go of the measuring stick and a reminder that success is about defining your worth, not living up to others' expectations. 

You are the only one who has permission to define your worth.

No one else does. And that's the trap we fall into. 

We base our worth on what other people think of us, our work, how much money we have, how successful we are, how many followers we have, and even what our parents think about us. 

None of those things are real. Those are all perceptions. There's no objectivity there.

So we're basing our worth on flimsy things we can't even hold on to. And I think that once you learn to clock these things in your mind, the true journey of growth and healing begins.

At some point or other in your life, you've probably had thoughts such as this pop-up:

• She's so put together; everything’s going perfectly for her. 
• She's so lucky. I wish I had what she did. I wish I were as successful as she was. 
• He's on top of the world and super successful.

And that's us placing superficial worth on someone else. We also have no business doing that. We don't know these people; we create a false image of them. 

We place the labels of “successful,” “perfect,” and “lucky” on other people.

So, just like we should not allow others to label us and define our worth, we should not do that for others because by doing that, we're minimizing ourselves compared to them. 

Stop measuring yourself against external standards. 

Instead, ask: What do I value? Where do I feel most fulfilled? Create a personal definition of excellence and remind yourself that worth is intrinsic, not something others can give or take away.

Internal fulfillment over external validation

If you know that having money, celebrity status, and recognition aren't all they're cracked up to be, because underneath those things are real struggles—the same struggles you and I have about ourselves—you'll start being kinder to yourself.

You’ll finally vacuum out the smoke screen and be realistic about what you see and hear.

Perceptions can deceive.

Money doesn't solve many things and creates a new type of headache.

Worth is not attached to external validation. 

Remember these stories: Robin Williams's hidden pain, Elon Musk's visible unhappiness, and Demi's journey to self-worth, which probably took her decades. 

I know this post was a little bit darker and went deeper than my normal ones, but I hope this discussion gives you food for thought because that's ultimately what I wanted to achieve with this.

To make you think about your thoughts when you scroll on social media, watch an awards show, or run into your neighbor. 

To pay attention to the thoughts you have about success, privilege, and wealth.

To take a second to feel how they affect you personally.

Once you start being self-aware, you can filter and challenge your thoughts. 

Ultimately, that's what we want to do: challenge every single thought that comes through, ask ourselves “why” three or four times to get to the root cause of why we're thinking the way that we're thinking, and decide for ourselves if it's healthy or unhealthy. 

I know it's a lot to digest, but I do think it was an important topic to bring to light. 

I'm hoping to do more of these where we talk about how the culture around us in society plays a huge role in making social anxiety just that much worse and our mental health decline because, ultimately, those are the things that we need to pay attention to if we want to get better in the long term.