The quickest way to not take things personally

In this episode, I want to share the fastest way to avoid taking things personally. Do not let others' judgment of you take over your thoughts. For those of us with social anxiety, being personally attacked sticks with us forever - we internalize it. Well, from my experience, there is a way to not have that happen.

Tune in and find out what my non-advice advice is!

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Transcript

I am back from a two-week business trip in Italy where I had to oversee some sales training and certifications and I wanted to share a realization I had while in Italy.

Well, to be honest, I've had this realization for a while now, but it got cemented and validated when a video of mine went viral during my trip and it went viral for all the wrong reasons. I got trashed left and right, up and down.

It got to like 1. 3 million views and thankfully it has stopped because I don't think I could have handled more vitriol coming my way. And yes, it was quite uncalled for, but that's a story for another day.

For this short episode, I want to talk about the quickest, fastest possible way to stop caring about what others think of you and to stop taking things seriously. And I fell upon this technique. I don't, I'm not even going to say it's a technique. I just fell upon this insight by pure chance. And let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart.

And so just as a disclaimer, this is not advice I'm giving you. And it is not me telling you that this is something you need to do. But based on my recent experiences from the past six months, coupled with this recent viral video, this is by far the fastest way to move past feeling judged.

Internalizing it because it's one thing to feel like someone is judging you it's next level to take that personally And make it true, as if it's something that is a part of you and this is just a fact.

There are different levels of feeling judged and how you respond to it.

But, are you ready?  So here's my, here's my tip. This is my insight. 

So, I'm going to talk about it, um, but it's technically posting observations online. That's it. Posting observations online. What I mean by that is picking a platform, whether that's X, Threads, Instagram, TikTok, whatever the case may be, Discord, Whether it's the written word or video, it's about sharing something, anything.

And that's not to say that you have to go into politics. You don't have to talk about religion. You don't have to talk about your personal relationships. You do not have to be controversial. 

You know why?  Because people will find you controversial no matter what. You do not have to put that burden on yourself.

You do not have to pick the most inflammatory subject to talk about. That is not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is posting your observations will get people riled up one way or another.  And you might be put off by that. And I get it because you're inviting people into your home.

You're inviting people to make judgments on you, to attack you. And I understand at face value, how scary that is but let me walk you through my thought process and how it has helped me in the end. Now, for example, the video that I made in Italy that went viral was about my experience with an Uber abroad.

Really innocent. It wasn't that deep. I simply said, Hey, holy moly, that's a really expensive Uber for a one-hour trip. And you know what happened? The world's trolls showed up in my comment section judging me and making assumption about the type of person that I am. 

And if I haven't had the practice I've had in the past six months dealing with trolls, I probably would have taken it down because they were really attacking my character, me as a person.

Granted, I have been in the online space for more than five years, especially with Honest Rocks giving out advice on social anxiety, but it's only in the past six or seven months that I've opened up and shared my personal opinions on real-world issues. 

Things that I never would have done and things that are actually quite risky. And so I have been posting my thoughts and opinions on other accounts and I have gotten backlash in every possible way. 

This is how I have been practicing not taking things personally, right?

I've had videos go to a million views. I've had videos make it to a thousand views. And in both instances, there was criticism, there was backlash, and feedback. And if you're like, Whoa, I can't handle that. I don't want any of it. I get it. And that's why I said it's not for the faint of heart. And it's not something that I would just recommend to anybody.

But here's the thing, which I have picked up on as I read my comments and get trashed all over the place. At some point, I've seen it all. At some point, you will see it all. There is not something that someone can say that's going to sting. 

Now, at some point in the process, you're going to be desensitized because that's what happens when you get an influx of messages, and it's always the same type of message.

It gets boring.  Now, to be fair, in the first few months, whenever you do get a particularly mean-spirited comment, your body will go through something. You will feel it as if somebody punched you in the face. I've been through that. I still go through that in some situations. You will feel bad. You will want to give up because you're just posting about flowers and people are saying, well, you're a dumbass for liking red flowers.

People really go to that level. It's just it's crazy and at some point If you get called a dumbass a million times Guess what? It has no more value. It will have zero influence on you. The first time you call that, oh my god, it stings. It hurts. The second time, uh, okay, why are you doing that?

The third time, fourth time, it gets so much easier to take personal attacks. And they're not even personal because they don't know you. At the end of the day, these are empty words. They mean nothing. All right, so I've heard it a million times. 

What else do you got for me? Right? And it will make you look internally and it will have you ask yourself questions.

For example, why do I feel attacked by this comment? Why do I care about what this person has to say about me? Why does this comment hurt me, but not that one? Why can't I laugh at this comment, but not that one?

And yes, it's a lot of shadow work and getting to the crux of how you see yourself in relation to others and why you worry so much about people's judgment of you and their impression of you. Because all you're saying is like, well, I like red flowers and people are like, well, F you for liking red flowers because blue flowers are better and it will make you realize that people's opinions of you hold no weight.

Because it doesn't matter that someone thinks that blue flowers are better than red flowers. And yes, I'm simplifying it. But it really works like that in the majority of cases. And in the grand scheme of things, that person is so inconsequential to your life. And let me tell you. 

Dealing with this online translates so much into the real world. I can handle so much more feedback and so much more criticism. I don't take things personally anymore. 

It has been such a huge learning experience for me because I can detach myself now from people's perceptions of me, and I don't internalize them anymore.

There have been so many. An avalanche, an avalanche of the worst possible comments you can imagine. The worst possible trolls and knock, knock, knock on my door every single day.  

At some point, I stopped opening the door. I stopped caring about what they had to say about me and it's so freeing. It is so freeing.

So it's not about posting every single day. It's not about being vulnerable with your opinions. It's sharing things that you see, things that make you go, huh. Well, that doesn't make sense. What do people think about this, for example? 

So you don't have to make it about your personal life, your relationships. It can literally be, Hey, I saw a pink squirrel today. What the hell is happening in the animal kingdom?  People will let you know. They will let you know what they think. And the more you let people know what they think, the less you will care, Especially when it's in a negative tone or negative comment.

So keep this tip in the back of your mind. I'm not saying you need to be a content creator. I'm not saying anything of that nature. But it's a way to test yourself directly to just You know, just throw yourself in there and see how much you can handle, why you can't handle it and take it from there.

Because yeah, to be honest, I've had to disconnect for a few days when it became too overwhelming.  The negativity became too overwhelming.  And that happens to every single person who posts online,  which is why I recommend it, but I also don't recommend it. So take this as, you know, advice or nonadvice, but it is something that has truly changed my life.

It has changed who I am, how I show up in the world, and how much I accept people's opinions of me. Thank you. Which to be fair is almost, I don't accept almost any of them,  especially if they are malicious in nature. And you will find that the more you get those, the less you will, it's so strange, but it's really a one to one relationship.

I know this, this podcast episode is a little bit different. It's more of my experience, but I 
especially because you might not have visibility to what it's like to be behind the scenes of a viral video or an account that posts about the news and politics and things of that nature. 
And it can be really, really hard.  But to be fair, I never thought in a million years I would be outspoken and vocal And that the more I do it The more free I am and it's really a huge lesson and learning experience for me.

And I just wanted to impart that with you and maybe it's going to change how, how you see yourself and how you want to show up because you don't have, again, you don't have to show your face. You can just write, you can just have your mouth move and just start small and go from there. Hey, pink squirrel.