What are your Eulogy values?

How do you want people to remember you?  This is something I’ve been pondering since the tragic death of a co-worker and her family a few years ago.

And it made me think about David Brooks’ TED talk on working on your Eulogy resume. 

In this episode, I want to run you through a simple exercise to get you started and then you can build off on that. 

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Transcript

Today we're going to be doing an exercise.
 
Now it might feel like this episode is a little bit darker, but stick with me. It has the potential to change your whole life how you see yourself and how you project yourself onto the world, the impression that you make, the way you want others to see you, and so on. 

So we're going to keep it short and to the point and make it as. impactful as possible. Now, the first thing I want to ask you is: how do you want people to remember you?  

Take a few seconds to think about that. Yes, it feels generic. It feels vague. It feels like, uh, I don't really care that much to answer this question.

However, they remember me is how they'll remember me. So on and so forth. You know, it's subjective. Everybody has a different perspective, a different opinion. Not everybody knows the real me. So on and so forth. Okay. I get it. I understand. I feel you. This is why I do think this exercise is super important and I'm going to walk you through it, okay?

This is something that I have been pondering since the tragic death of a co-worker a few years back. She was in a car with her husband and their son, one of their sons, and unfortunately, all three of them did not survive the accident. And it made me think. course, whenever tragedy hits close to home, it changes your whole worldview.

But it made me think about a particular TED talk, a TED talk by David Brooks on working on your eulogy resume. It's short. I highly recommend you go check it out if you haven't heard about it, but here's what he says, and I'm going to quote him now. Okay. 

 It occurred to me that there are two sets of virtues, the resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. The resume virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral, whether you were kind, brave, honest, or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?

Now, we all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the resume ones, but our culture and our educational systems spend much more time teaching the skills and the strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light.

 Holy guacamole, if that is not the most powerful thing ever. Short, sweet to the point, but has so much oomph in it. Because when I think of my coworker, you know, the one that passed away, I think, oh my goodness, how she laughed at every chance she had, at every chance she could, she was just that happy, radiating, glowing person on our team, always a smile on her face, no matter what.

And that's ultimately my lasting memory of her, even though I had conflict with her. I didn't particularly like how she worked so on and so forth, but I don't remember her by those things. I remember her by her character, right? Not her, her work ethic, you know, her daily activities when she came into work, her job title, or, you know, what she loved to do on the weekends. I don't remember any of that. 

Those things just don't pop up when I think about her.  Because, yes, people do remember how you made them feel more than anything else, but people will also remember, you know, your quirks, the twinkle in your eye, what you stood for, and the values that you embodied. And as I kept thinking about her, I realized well, no one will ever say anything like that about me.

Because, hi, I don't laugh at everything. It's quite the opposite. I ponder everything. I rarely burst out laughing. So, I already know that people are not going to remember me as a good, humorous person. And I'm okay with that. I am. But it got me thinking, how do I want them to remember me?

Notice how I'm not saying, how do I think they will remember me? Because that's a difficult rabbit hole to go down in, especially if you don't have a lot of confidence in yourself. But how do you want to remember is a positive spin on it.

Which brings me to the exercise. Now, let's quickly run through the exercise. The point is to think of a word or a couple of words that you want people to associate you with once you're gone.  Yes, I do have to bring up this concept of death because otherwise, the exercise doesn't work.

It's futile. 

So when I did this exercise for myself, I had to come up with a word.  All you have to do is say your name, was, and a word. For me, it would be Roxana was a social justice warrior. So just substitute, you know, your name was what, what is it that you see yourself as, you know, and you might not embody this word yet. 

I'm at 10 percent myself of being a social justice warrior. You might not even be close, but what if you worked towards that word every single day? Yeah. Because that's how you want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as a social justice warrior, as an activist, as someone who spoke up.

And you can make a list. There can be many different words and you can work towards them, but ultimately you must have a vision, right? A core vision of your eulogy virtues. And what if you do your best to display these virtues, these characteristics that you admire the most in others at any given moment in time, right?

So align yourself with a higher moral standard, because your life, my life, our lives are built in moments. So every moment is an opportunity to show up how you want to show up. Every moment is an opportunity to become the person you want others to remember you by, which is the whole point of the eulogy virtues.

But just as an FYI, this exercise is not about them. It's not about anyone else. It's about you. It's about working towards the couple of words you want to embody and align yourself with. And the bonus is that that's the image people will have of you. at the end, which means that you successfully became the person you most wanted to be.

So for example, if being adventurous is important to you, and it's something that speaks to you, then what are you waiting for? Book a flight, go on an adventure, come back, share your story, and talk about it. And do that again, and again, and again. And that's how you embody the word adventurous. If you want to be spiritual, what can you do to become that?

So on and so forth. And this is not meant to depress you by any means but to make you think. If you have social anxiety. Or you care so much about what others think of you. This exercise will redirect your thoughts to the actions you need to take. 

You won't have time to worry about what others think of you because you are going to focus on what you want to think of you, and then by default, that just happens to become what others think of you as well.

So my advice is to choose a word and let that word be your guiding principle every day, regardless of the situation that you find yourself in. And positively look at this. You know, these virtues are things you're going to take along with you until the end of your days. And then hopefully at your funeral, these are the same things that people are going to share about you.

And these are going to be the memories that you have implanted in them, right? The same way as my co-worker. I will always forever remember her as someone who was just happy and just had a smile on her face. 

And I think that's incredible to be remembered that way. If you are having a hard time with some words, here are some ideas.

Wise, generous, kind, relaxed, easygoing, thoughtful, fighter, activist, funny, intellectual.  speaks to you, come up with your own, do the exercise, and see if that changes your mindset, your perspective, and how you show up in the world. Because it has helped me tremendously to see myself in a new light and in the light that I want to forever be seen as.

So yeah, I hope this is a helpful and useful episode. Thank you for listening to the You're Worth Knowing podcast. You can always reach me at honestrox.com or on any social media platform @Honestrox. I will see you next week.