Let’s stop dreading the end-of-year office party, New Year’s at the neighbors, or Christmas with the family. Well, at least because of social anxiety.
In today’s episode, I’m looking ahead at the many invitations you’ll get for the holidays—happy hours, team outings, family gatherings, friend get-togethers, etc. I want to prepare you for them. Yes, this means I do not want you to click decline in record time. I want you to go and practice your social skills.
This is a time to look at your potential instead of fixating on your historical performance. If you’re already predicting moments of awkwardness or drinking too much, you’ll decline invitations during this holiday season. I’m here to help you avoid doing just that.
Yes, it’s a tempting thought, but I will ask you to squash it. As you may or may not know, avoiding social anxiety only increases it. It’s an interesting paradox but very much rooted in reality.
Now, social anxiety during the holidays can be exacerbated for two reasons.
The first one is that you want to end the year well. Whether at work (looking ahead to a promotion!) or home (keeping your relationships intact), you want to put your best foot forward, especially when you mingle with everyone else (either voluntarily or forced). You’re proactive in reducing our chances of being negatively judged.
Alternatively, your social anxiety could also be heightened because you know you cannot put your best foot forward. You see our shortcomings, assess your mental space and energy levels, and know you’ll fall short. You’re proactive in preparing yourself for a downfall.
These are two sides of the same coin.
On the one side, if you want to end the year on a good note, you’ll place high expectations on yourself and go into performance mode.
Everything you do will be 10x. Light! Camera! Action! That’s social anxiety’s preferred mode because it’s happily waiting for you to mess up. You’ll do anything and everything to outdo yourself.
For example, you might overextend yourself financially to either host a party, purchase expensive gifts to stand out, or adorn yourself in glitter and gold.
You’ll want to redirect all the attention to the assets and materials to avoid feeling stupid and out of place.
On the flip side, if you’re not in a good place mentally, emotionally, or even physically, your social anxiety will remind you and laugh as it compares you to everyone else who has their shit together.
If you’re going into the end-of-the-year office party feeling dejected and hating that co-worker who got the promotion over you, chances are you’ll be greeted by social anxiety at the door.
Your negative body language will follow you, and you’ll grab onto any safety behavior you’re prone to (to avoid talking to anyone). You’ll probably make a pretty bad impression overall.
Social anxiety during the holidays can be a monster.
Its goal is to make everything awkward and embarrass you so that it takes it all into the New Year. It wants you to remember how big of a goof you were during the holidays so that it continues to stick around. Remember, its sole purpose is to latch onto you as much as possible because you’re its power source.
So, if you’re dreading the New Year’s Eve party, the end-of-year office party, or the Christmas gathering, here are some things you need to jot down in the palm of your hand. You’ll walk into any room ready to face it with more conviction and confidence.
4 ways to reduce social anxiety during the holidays:
1. Don’t down the alcohol
If you’re shy by nature, it’s understandable that you want to grab a glass of wine, hoping it will liven you up. That’s OK! Sometimes, having a little help is good, but if this is your modus operandi, where you drink because it’s the ONLY way you open up to conversations, stay away from the alcohol.
The last thing you want to happen is to spill the beans on something your manager told you privately or overshare to the point where you feel ashamed of yourself. Those are tricky moments to recover from, so before you grab a drink, think about the future you.
2. Pay attention to your safety (crutch) behaviors
Alcohol is a safety behavior. It’s easy to blame the wine should anything happen, but that’s not the impression you want to make. If you see it as a crutch, you’ll be in better control of it.
Another safety behavior is having your phone in your hands at all times. It makes it easier to check out an awkward conversation or find yourself apart from the group, scrolling your feed.
You should think about what other safety behaviors you have a habit of and reduce them during these holiday parties.
3. Don’t stress over thoughtfulness
This is important to track because it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Social anxiety means you fear people judging you, and what’s more nerve-wracking than choosing a gift for someone this season? Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, coming empty-handed to someone’s home is a big no-no.
You’ll probably have a hard time with this because you want to make the best impression and come off as thoughtful, but the truth is that no matter how much you try, there’s another party on the other side with their perspective on what being thoughtful means. We can extend this tip to an area that doesn’t involve gift-giving – for example, how you behave at the dinner table.
At some point, maybe you’ll forget to offer your colleague the bread basket, or you’ll eat the last piece of the pie.
What I hope for you is that you don’t go down the rabbit hole of overthinking every single action you take (or don’t take) and fault yourself for not being thoughtful enough.
4. Keep your boundaries in check
You’re already stressing over saying yes to an invitation; you don’t need to push it further. You do not have to drive to the location with your other colleagues – feel free to take your mode of transportation so you’re not stuck in a situation where you want to leave but can’t.
If you promised yourself you wouldn’t down the alcohol, kindly let people know you’re taking a break or minding it for the night. Whatever boundary you’re placing, please keep it in check. It will reduce your social anxiety significantly because you’ll have a guardrail to fall back upon.
See it this way: imagine you’re a car driving over a bridge. Your boundaries are the barriers holding you within the lane so you don’t go over the edge. That’s how important they are!
Social anxiety during the holidays can ruin entire visits and make you never want to accept an invitation again, which is what we want to avoid more than anything! You can read this post several times to imprint the information on your eyelids.
You’ll probably find yourself in these valid situations, but now you’re aware of them at least.